I’m an analyzer… always have been.
Why do I do that? How come I act this way? What was his motive for saying that? Was it something he really feels or were they empty words dipped in poison, designed to hurt but with no real merit. What was my
real motive for saying that? I’m shallow. I secretly enjoyed her setback. It made me feel better about myself. I’m hideous. Why am I so hard on myself? Do I have intimacy issues? Why? Probably stems from childhood but that’s such a fucking cliché.. Don’t wanna go to a therapist and bitch about my fucked up childhood. Fucked up is the new norm. Who am I to complain? Why do I complain so much? Do I complain more than most people? I think I complain about my day as a way of communicating. That’s sad. Why can’t I leave a shitty day behind and rejoice in life with my husband and children. Why can’t I be more private with my negativity? How can I have intimacy issues yet talk about myself all the time? Maybe I talk about myself to avoid
really talking about myself. Why do I have to analyze so much? If I’m viewing the world from behind laundry loads of analayzation stuck on spin cycle in my head then I’ll never see life accurately. And I wonder why social anxiety kicks in sometimes. It’s all the fucking analyzing. Was what I said there stupid? Do they think I’m stupid? Oh god small talk. Awkward moment. They must think I’m an idiot. Why is it so hard sometimes? Why can’t I just
be?
5 days ago
